Then:
I wake up groggy, feeling lost in time. I tap on the screen that’s on the seat in front of me and click on flight status, but it hasn’t changed much since the last time I checked it. Over seven hours to go until I reach Tokyo. I don’t mind, though. After this much time away from travel, finally returning to an international journey post-pandemic feels exciting and unreal. I’m still in disbelief that I booked this ticket and am on this plane, and that soon I’ll be exploring another new country. My boyfriend was lucky enough to get sent overseas for work, and here I am, tagging along to Okinawa for two weeks. He’s dying to move through the katas in karate’s homeland, and to catch some foreign Pokémon. I’m feeling a little more esoteric at the moment, with no hard plans of yet besides deep breathing air in another part of the world, sinking into as much culture as I can, and rediscovering the explorer within myself, since it’s been three years since I’ve been able to do so.
Then:
Respect. In the states, there’s an attitude that no one is owed respect. The saying is literally that you have to give respect to get it. What blows me away here is the level of respect that is ingrained in the culture on every level. You make eye contact with a stranger and they bow their head to you, showing respect and acknowledgement. There’s no trash on the ground and most every public space is pristinely clean. People take pride in their jobs and the no-tip culture demonstrates the idea that everyone does a good job simply because they should.
Today, in taking the taxi to the aquarium, my driver asked me through a translation app if I had bought my ticket yet. When I shook my head no, he insisted on taking me to a gas station where I could buy a ticket ahead of time for about 600 yen less. To save a stranger five bucks? Insane. Later, wanting to go home, I asked for help finding a taxi, and an old man walked me over to the area where I could find one. When the first taxi driver didn’t accept card, he walked me to another taxi driver and explained where I was going, etc. I know it seems so small, but when you’re navigating a foreign country, and people are so kind and eager to help you, it touches your heart in a way that words can’t describe. It makes me realize the level of respect for others that American culture is missing. Respect is doing the right thing because it’s the right thing, thinking of others and not just yourself, and putting the best version of yourself out into the world to create a better community. Being in Japan makes me imagine a world like that, and it’s a beautiful thing.
Now:
I don’t even know if I’m ready to write this. I’m grieving. Not even 48 hours ago the man I went to Japan with broke up with me. I’m reeling and in shock. This is the same man who a week and a half ago told me he loves the way my eyes crinkle when I laugh? This is the same man who the night before, said “goodnight I love you”? This is the same man who yesterday morning asked if I could make him eggs for breakfast?
Two weeks ago we were in Japan together. It was our one year anniversary and I was excited to tag along on his work trip. Now I’m looking back on it with my mind spinning, wondering if there was something I didn’t see or notice. He forgot our one year anniversary while we were there. We fought about it. I attributed it to his work stress. Was that it? The breaking point? Because a breaking point has like, a thousand other things leading up to it, right? And I don’t see those either. Maybe I’m blind, but I think the truth is probably that he wasn’t showing up or communicating in a fully honest way. If you’re in a relationship and something is bothering you or not sitting right, it’s YOUR job as an adult to communicate it, not your partner’s job to mind read.
As I overanalyze every detail from the past year together, and our time in Japan together, I’m trying not to let my memories from Okinawa be tainted with my overwhelming sadness. I don’t want to regret my life experiences just because of heartbreak. But it’s funny how life works, because in thinking to myself this past week how I wanted to write and reflect more about my time in Okinawa, the biggest overlying message I found from my time there was that sometimes you don’t know something better is out there until you experience it for the first time. You don’t know what you don’t know.
I was enchanted with Japan from the second I stepped off the plane in Tokyo. The cleanliness! The organization! The kindness, helpfulness, and respect from every passing person. The technology – carts in the airport that you can program your gate into, and vending machines with such goodies. THE TOILETS! My butt has never been cleaner! Why don’t all toilets play music when you go? Why don’t they all have seat heaters? The magic. The genius. It made me think, what the HELL were we doing in the states?
Now:
I think…maybe I thought this relationship was “it” because I haven’t met better. Our relationship was so much happier, healthier, and overall just better than my past ones. I thought we were extremely compatible, and I deeply love…loved…him. But maybe I can hold hope that the best is yet to come. Every country I’ve been to has held wonders that my heart bursts with joy discovering. And I didn’t know what they were or the depth of emotion and awe and wonder I would feel until I traveled into the unknown. So, I have to believe the same holds true for my love life. Maybe there’s something out there that’s so good, I can’t even comprehend it yet because it’s not something that’s yet been within my scope of experience. Maybe I just *think* I had found my forever, but there’s a discovery around the corner lying in wait for me to find, and it will bring me immeasurable joy. All I can do is keep traveling through life focused on moving forward, and embrace that joy as it comes.
Jill Came Tumbling After 